Am I being selfish if I want my best friend to like me more than she likes the annoying girl across the hall? Am I being selfish wishing that he would text me first? Am I being selfish if all I want in life is to have people like me? I see all these posts on facebook and my roommate / best friend is commenting and liking them and she can’t even be bothered to text me back about when my ex blocks me on facebook and I need to rant to someone. I feel like I’m not reaching for the stars here but I feel like if I bring this up she’s just going to think I’m being selfish and whiney. Am I being selfish if I want to wait for an invitation to go over to the boys room and watch movies with them? I’m not one of those girls who likes to show up uninvited but here at college it’s like that’s the only thing I can do to be included because no one tells me when things are going on anymore. None of the boys down the hall text me or invite me to stuff anymore unless it’s an event on facebook. I feel like i’m disappearing in everyone’s lives and that I’m not as irreplaceable as everyone tells me I am. If I’m so important to you, why am I not a stable figure in your life?

I remain yours
yet confused at our prospects.
I fly to another’s arms,
you’re not here to ensnare me
in your web of lies
and spiders.
I won’t be yours any longer.
Even though I remain
tortured by your memory,
he’s better for me
better than you ever were
than you ever could be.
He’s almost close,
almost perfect.
All he has to do is ask.
Use the six words
I long to hear.
“Will you go out with me?”

This showers me
with kisses and rain.
This showers me
with feelings I can’t control.
This showers me
with something special
that no one else sees.
This is what we are.

This gives me what he can
but most of what he can’t.
This gives me attention
most of what he lacks.
This gives me butterflies
that I’m not sure I give back
because we don’t talk about
this.

This is what we are.
and I’m not sure I can
be happy.

Let me fall.

Don’t let me fall.

I can’t seem to handle this.

I get told that you miss me

and then get told to get over you

what do you think?

I hate feeling like this!

Like no one really wants me

to be with you.

Like everyone is working against us.

Are you?

Working against me too?

Should I really forget about you

and leave my heart scarred?

Maybe it would be better.

I’ll go sing of my agony

with showtunes

that mean ultimately nothing.

Go away.

I never trully understood how annoying liking a boy was. Well, man. But anyways. Just when I think I could be getting over him, he decides to tell my best friend back in Jeff that he can’t wait to see me and he’s going to take the day off so he can spend time with me and all this shit. And I keep thinking how great that is and how sweet and cute he is and then I mentally kick myself in the butt because he BROKE MY HEART! I can’t just keep liking him. It hurts too much. I hate men. Boys. Whatever.